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Bored People Quit

https://medium.com/keep-learning-keep-growing/bored-people-quit-7354792e0e6e#.hnktf8n7s

So good. Not just for managers. These are great questions for anyone to ask oneself:

  • Are you bored?
  • Do you know why?
  • Can it be shifted?

A cautionary tale:

Boredom was a seed. What was “I’m bored” grew roots and became “I’m bored and why isn’t anyone doing anything about it?” and sprouted “I’m bored, I told my boss, and he… did nothing,” and finally bloomed into “I don’t want to work at a place where they don’t care if I’m bored.”

The article gives great specifics on how to uncover and combat boredom and what boredom represents: lack of belief in the team.

Practice: Showing Up

Screen Shot 2016-02-06 at 11.48.35 AM

Lately, I’ve been noticing times when something’s really bugging me but I don’t speak up. Why don’t I say something? A few reasons:

  • Don’t want to start a conflict
  • Can’t figure out a “nice” way to say it
  • Maybe it isn’t my place
  • Don’t believe my speaking up will change anything, and therefore it’s not worth the effort

My DH offered that speaking up can simply be good practice. My reactions to that were “true” and “meh.” Poor guy, why am I dismissive of good practice? I’ll come back to that.

Good practice or not, I became aware of my attachment to a certain outcome. Maybe saying something is good practice. But when I say something and nothing the thing that I wanted doesn’t happen, I get frustrated. My “why bother?” feelings kick in. And they stop me from trying again. This felt like an important realization! What if I could say something and let go of my attachment to a particular outcome? 

That was as far as the exercise went until I saw Justine Musk‘s tweet today.

Argument doesn’t change people (good stories change people) but it helps you deepen + refine your own understanding of what you stand for.

DING went the light bulb! Her words address two areas of my struggle:

  • Changing others
  • Clarity of self expression

My story about speaking up is that “we can’t change other people. So it’s not my place / not worth it / why bother.” But people do change, sometimes nudged by outside influences. I can see how stories are way more effective than complaining.

Justine’s tweet also helps me in the “let go of my attachment” department. Speaking up is not about changing someone’s mind or winning an argument. It’s about getting clear about my own thinking and being able to express it. I do have feelings about some topics of our day (Uber-style businesses, the digital divide, income inequality) but rarely say anything. The times that I’ve tried to recently, I quickly get tongue tied and stall out. Maybe there’s something to this practice thing after all.

 

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Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/negative-emotions-key-well-being/

I’ve been struggling with my negativity and being down on myself for it. Seeing this article was timely for me! HT @whitneyhess on Twitter.

Attempting to suppress thoughts can backfire and even diminish our sense of contentment.

One of the primary reasons we have emotions in the first place is to help us evaluate our experiences.

Even if you successfully avoid contemplating a topic, your subconscious may still dwell on it.

Researchers found that those who restrained their thinking more often had stronger stress responses to the cues than did those who suppressed their thoughts less frequently.

Closing out 2015

sunset

The remains of the day, seen through the sunroom window

I’d planned to let this day pass quietly and without ceremony, a day like any other. It fits the pattern for most of my days this year – quiet, low demands, not doing too much, maybe just enough. But then my friend popped up in chat yesterday and asked, “What word would you choose to sum up 2015?” She said she was picking the same word as last year, which reminded me…. I’d totally forgotten that I picked a word on this day last year! My word for 2015 was “open”.

In some ways, I’m not sure if I met my intention of being open very well. I said no to many things. Often, saying no to things opens space for something else. Except I filled my space up with Facebook and various other online streams, a constant consuming of the sharing, pictures, interests, and thoughts of all of you. Thanks for keeping me such good company this year!

I did open myself to a few fun adventures this year:

I’m struggling a bit to pick a word for 2016. My low-demand lifestyle has quite a hold on me. This year also had big helpings over thinking, rebellion, and resistance, which are making themselves known in this exercise right now! In light of these experiences, my word for 2016 is “softness”. Another big player in 2015 was a certain, frustrated sound, “UUURRRGHHH!!!!!” My wish for 2016 is to have more relaxed “Ahhhhhh……”. Whatever comes my way, may I meet it with Ahhhh… May I relax my grip on perfectionism, judgment, and fear. May the grip of shoulds relax their hold on me. May we all relax and be soft with each other.

Happy new year, dear friends! Thank you for your friendship, your sharing, and for showing up. Wishing us all peace, ease, and our heart’s desire in the new year.

Somewhere After The Rainbow (Moving Beyond Profile Pics)

After the events of the past week in the US – the marriage equality ruling and the Charleston hate crime – I have been wondering what can *I* personally do to help effect positive change. This is new territory for me. I’m grateful for Pastor John Pavlovitz’s suggestion:

“Laws and amendments and judicial rulings can change policy, but only relationships can alter people. I’m inviting those with rainbow profile photos (and those who echo their sentiments) to engage those of differing opinions, who are willing to have a conversation; not a public, passive-aggressive volleying of Scripture quotes and personal jabs and article shares, but an honest, open, fully vulnerable exchange.

That’s the only way we move forward from here, the only way we can fashion something deeper and more lasting and more worthy of co-owning.”

john pavlovitz

Rainbow Heart

The Supreme Court’s ruling on Marriage finally came down last week—and both Hell and Heaven broke loose, depending on your perspective.

Exhilaration soon followed for those seeing this as a long overdue victory for civil marital equality, while outrage reigned for religious folks believing it to be the final nail in the coffin of Biblical Matrimony.

And there was of course, a flurry of sentiments from both sides on social media; effusive celebration and grief-laden hand wringing flying in as fast as your browser could refresh.

Yet nothing in all of those eloquent words from either side, spoke as clearly and loudly as the brilliant prismatic display of love and affirmation found in the rainbow profile photos now dominating timelines worldwide. That’s been the most visible, most revelatory element of the past week, with over 26 million people already choosing to “Amen” the Supreme Court’s decision using their own images.

Perhaps the most telling aspect, is that these multicolored flags haven’t just been flown by the LGBT…

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One More Rainbow

Image source: @BarackObama

Image source: @BarackObama

I felt so much joy seeing all the rainbows filling up my Internet feeds today. I clicked “like” on the news stories and expressions of joy and support for marriage equality. At first, I didn’t re-share any of the stories or images. Sometimes I’ll re-share a news story in order to get the word out, in case someone might have missed the news. In this case, I seriously doubted anyone had missed this news, regardless of their opinion on the issue. I also felt that, because “likes” are visible, people following me could – and would – see that I was “liking” the news of today’s ruling. I thought, “Do people really need to see one more rainbow, supplied by me?”

And then I remembered something I read a few days ago, related to the Charleston hate crime and the continued work we as a society need to do to fight racism. Karen Walrond invites us to Say Something:

…if you truly want to fight racism, then please, speak out against racism.  Make it clear, in your own words — not just retweeting or resharing the words of Jon Stewart or someone else — tell folks how you feel.  Take a stand, for heaven’s sake.  (But then, after you’ve done that, do freely share articles and posts and links to organizations that fight racism. Amplify, amplify, amplify. Because frankly, those of us who are of colour need white voices to help amplify the cause.)

After remembering Karen’s words, I did make a start by re-sharing a rainbow image celebrating marriage equality. But I realized that my own words were missing. Here they are:

I am so happy that the freedom to marry* is now legal for same-sex couples across the nation! I have seen the hurtful effects of discrimination of all kinds – individual, legal, and institutionalized. I have often wondered, lamented, and felt hopeless about the possibility of change. Today’s ruling shows that change CAN happen. It is proof of hopefulness and perseverance in the face of hate, exclusion, and daunting odds. 

And I can hear the mental tapes of my childhood upbringing saying, “Don’t post a rainbow online! What if someone targets you?” To those voices, I say, “Just think if I were gay. Would you still tell me to hide?”

Time to celebrate!!
#lovewins #marriageequality #NOH8 #chooselove #onefamily #diversity #inclusion

*Great post here on the difference between “right to marry” and “freedom to exercise that right”

Image credit: @BarackObama https://twitter.com/BarackObama/status/614459251126173697

Priorities

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“I am often struck by the fact that the modern world is full of affected knowledge & information that, when you get right down to it, is only relevant to the extent we grant it relevance. We have become very good at procuring & prioritizing things that are not fundamentally all that important – cars and computers and cell phones come to mind – even as we have become less good at providing for ourselves the things that are downright essential: Food. Shelter. Water. Warmth.” -Ben Hewitt

This quote speaks to my Luddite heart.
Seen via Falan Storm on Instagram.