Link

Bored People Quit

https://medium.com/keep-learning-keep-growing/bored-people-quit-7354792e0e6e#.hnktf8n7s

So good. Not just for managers. These are great questions for anyone to ask oneself:

  • Are you bored?
  • Do you know why?
  • Can it be shifted?

A cautionary tale:

Boredom was a seed. What was “I’m bored” grew roots and became “I’m bored and why isn’t anyone doing anything about it?” and sprouted “I’m bored, I told my boss, and he… did nothing,” and finally bloomed into “I don’t want to work at a place where they don’t care if I’m bored.”

The article gives great specifics on how to uncover and combat boredom and what boredom represents: lack of belief in the team.

Practice: Showing Up

Screen Shot 2016-02-06 at 11.48.35 AM

Lately, I’ve been noticing times when something’s really bugging me but I don’t speak up. Why don’t I say something? A few reasons:

  • Don’t want to start a conflict
  • Can’t figure out a “nice” way to say it
  • Maybe it isn’t my place
  • Don’t believe my speaking up will change anything, and therefore it’s not worth the effort

My DH offered that speaking up can simply be good practice. My reactions to that were “true” and “meh.” Poor guy, why am I dismissive of good practice? I’ll come back to that.

Good practice or not, I became aware of my attachment to a certain outcome. Maybe saying something is good practice. But when I say something and nothing the thing that I wanted doesn’t happen, I get frustrated. My “why bother?” feelings kick in. And they stop me from trying again. This felt like an important realization! What if I could say something and let go of my attachment to a particular outcome? 

That was as far as the exercise went until I saw Justine Musk‘s tweet today.

Argument doesn’t change people (good stories change people) but it helps you deepen + refine your own understanding of what you stand for.

DING went the light bulb! Her words address two areas of my struggle:

  • Changing others
  • Clarity of self expression

My story about speaking up is that “we can’t change other people. So it’s not my place / not worth it / why bother.” But people do change, sometimes nudged by outside influences. I can see how stories are way more effective than complaining.

Justine’s tweet also helps me in the “let go of my attachment” department. Speaking up is not about changing someone’s mind or winning an argument. It’s about getting clear about my own thinking and being able to express it. I do have feelings about some topics of our day (Uber-style businesses, the digital divide, income inequality) but rarely say anything. The times that I’ve tried to recently, I quickly get tongue tied and stall out. Maybe there’s something to this practice thing after all.

 

Link

Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/negative-emotions-key-well-being/

I’ve been struggling with my negativity and being down on myself for it. Seeing this article was timely for me! HT @whitneyhess on Twitter.

Attempting to suppress thoughts can backfire and even diminish our sense of contentment.

One of the primary reasons we have emotions in the first place is to help us evaluate our experiences.

Even if you successfully avoid contemplating a topic, your subconscious may still dwell on it.

Researchers found that those who restrained their thinking more often had stronger stress responses to the cues than did those who suppressed their thoughts less frequently.

Closing out 2015

sunset

The remains of the day, seen through the sunroom window

I’d planned to let this day pass quietly and without ceremony, a day like any other. It fits the pattern for most of my days this year – quiet, low demands, not doing too much, maybe just enough. But then my friend popped up in chat yesterday and asked, “What word would you choose to sum up 2015?” She said she was picking the same word as last year, which reminded me…. I’d totally forgotten that I picked a word on this day last year! My word for 2015 was “open”.

In some ways, I’m not sure if I met my intention of being open very well. I said no to many things. Often, saying no to things opens space for something else. Except I filled my space up with Facebook and various other online streams, a constant consuming of the sharing, pictures, interests, and thoughts of all of you. Thanks for keeping me such good company this year!

I did open myself to a few fun adventures this year:

I’m struggling a bit to pick a word for 2016. My low-demand lifestyle has quite a hold on me. This year also had big helpings over thinking, rebellion, and resistance, which are making themselves known in this exercise right now! In light of these experiences, my word for 2016 is “softness”. Another big player in 2015 was a certain, frustrated sound, “UUURRRGHHH!!!!!” My wish for 2016 is to have more relaxed “Ahhhhhh……”. Whatever comes my way, may I meet it with Ahhhh… May I relax my grip on perfectionism, judgment, and fear. May the grip of shoulds relax their hold on me. May we all relax and be soft with each other.

Happy new year, dear friends! Thank you for your friendship, your sharing, and for showing up. Wishing us all peace, ease, and our heart’s desire in the new year.