In the spirit of #WOLWeek – Working Out Loud Week – and feeling
kicked in the butt inspired by the above quote from Simon Sinek, here are two things I’m working on.
1. My next job
The biggest project for my sabbatical is: figure out what work I want to do. I want a really clear vision that I can work towards and use as a touchstone. What will I truly enjoy doing? What can I feel connected to? What is important? What’s a good use of my time? Where and how can I use my gifts? How can I provide value? After bumping around with these questions for a while – reading online, reading books, talking to people, journaling, day dreaming – I’m finally seeing some themes that feel right to me. They include:
- Relationship, connection, caring about people. My gift is to help people feel seen, valued, liked, and supported. This gift is also my drive. I can’t NOT do it.
- “Delighting the customer” as a core business value.
- Putting employees first as a core value – valuing, celebrating, supporting.
- Humanizing work / the workplace / business. “Humanize” isn’t my favorite word. I was sad to read that “being human” is becoming a buzzphrase (i.e., stripped of impact), just like I was sad when authenticity, vulnerability, and transparency became buzzwords. But I suppose the good news is that more people are becoming interested in relationships, connection, and treating each other as people, not as robots or productivity resources.
- Who says you can’t express love at work? OK, a lot of people have said that. But a shift has started. Here’s a whole list of companies that are making the shift.
I feel like I’m gathering ingredients for a stew, simmering them, stirring. I don’t know yet where these themes are leading or what the result will look like. Do I go work for a company, become a consultant, create something new? We’ll see!
2. Anger management
I’ve known for a long time that I have an anger pattern. (My poor mom and husband are nodding.) When the going gets tough, uncomfortable, scary, or frustrating, I get mad. This comes up in so many areas of my life, personal and professional. I get mad, and then fight-or-flight kicks in. I either come out swinging, or I have an urge to run away to avoid fighting. Geez, no wonder I’m so tired and grouchy so much of the time!
My trusty therapist told me that anger is a cover-up for other feelings. When I get mad, I can use it as a signal to stop and check: What am I really feeling underneath? With that awareness, how do I want to proceed? I’m going to experiment with using TAGteach to shift the anger pattern and create a different behavior.
- Current behavior: Get triggered, get mad, stay mad, and react from there.
- Desired behavior: I want to be calm, curious, relaxed, and open.
I haven’t created tag points for myself before. I wonder if this will work. A tag point is the desired behavior. “Don’t get triggered” or “don’t get mad” are not good behavior change goals, and they aren’t tag points. Triggered and mad are gonna happen. I think my tag point is “relax”. Notice myself feeling angry, choose relaxation. (And then click / reward / treat. Mustn’t forget to celebrate!)
Why am I working on this? I think it will be useful for me in so many situations:
- When I’m faced with differing opinions and (feel like I) have to convince someone. Those interactions can quickly feel like a fight to me, rather than a conversation.
- When I feel frustrated. Triggers: Unmet expectations, mis-understandings, disappointment, lack of clarity.
- When I feel impatient. Which is often! (aaack!)
- When I feel hopeless. “This will never work / change / go anywhere / matter anyway.”
My hope is to shift the anger and channel the energy for good, not for grouchiness. I see how my fight-or-flight problem has sent me running away from so many things. Or worse, not trying at all. That’s not who I want to be.
I’m working on:
- Creating my vision for the work I want to do. It will be related to helping people feel seen, valued, liked, supported, and well-served.
- Shifting my hair-trigger anger pattern.
Why I’m sharing:
“Our vision is actionable only if we share it.” This is a step for me to take action. I’m reminded of AC4P – Actively Caring for People – and what their mission stands for: Caring about people, and showing it via action. Caring is not enough; you actually have to do something. Working out loud helps me along the path to doing something.
How you can help, if you’re so moved:
- Ask me questions
- Offer suggestions or ideas
- Tell me about stories that may have come up for you as you read this post
… or leave me a comment with other help that I should have asked for, but didn’t think of. 🙂
Mentor credits (mentoring via me stalking them):
- John Stepper, Simon Terry, and the Working Out Loud movement
- Theresa McKeon from TAGteach
- Barry Nelson from FactorLab, who introduced me to the work of AC4P, Tiny Habits, and many other behavior change concepts