1. My next job
The biggest project for my sabbatical is: figure out what work I want to do. I want a really clear vision that I can work towards and use as a touchstone. What will I truly enjoy doing? What can I feel connected to? What is important? What’s a good use of my time? Where and how can I use my gifts? How can I provide value? After bumping around with these questions for a while – reading online, reading books, talking to people, journaling, day dreaming – I’m finally seeing some themes that feel right to me. They include:
- Relationship, connection, caring about people. My gift is to help people feel seen, valued, liked, and supported. This gift is also my drive. I can’t NOT do it.
- “Delighting the customer” as a core business value.
- Putting employees first as a core value – valuing, celebrating, supporting.
- Humanizing work / the workplace / business. “Humanize” isn’t my favorite word. I was sad to read that “being human” is becoming a buzzphrase (i.e., stripped of impact), just like I was sad when authenticity, vulnerability, and transparency became buzzwords. But I suppose the good news is that more people are becoming interested in relationships, connection, and treating each other as people, not as robots or productivity resources.
- Who says you can’t express love at work? OK, a lot of people have said that. But a shift has started. Here’s a whole list of companies that are making the shift.
I feel like I’m gathering ingredients for a stew, simmering them, stirring. I don’t know yet where these themes are leading or what the result will look like. Do I go work for a company, become a consultant, create something new? We’ll see!
2. Anger management
I’ve known for a long time that I have an anger pattern. (My poor mom and husband are nodding.) When the going gets tough, uncomfortable, scary, or frustrating, I get mad. This comes up in so many areas of my life, personal and professional. I get mad, and then fight-or-flight kicks in. I either come out swinging, or I have an urge to run away to avoid fighting. Geez, no wonder I’m so tired and grouchy so much of the time!
My trusty therapist told me that anger is a cover-up for other feelings. When I get mad, I can use it as a signal to stop and check: What am I really feeling underneath? With that awareness, how do I want to proceed? I’m going to experiment with using TAGteach to shift the anger pattern and create a different behavior.
- Current behavior: Get triggered, get mad, stay mad, and react from there.
- Desired behavior: I want to be calm, curious, relaxed, and open.
I haven’t created tag points for myself before. I wonder if this will work. A tag point is the desired behavior. “Don’t get triggered” or “don’t get mad” are not good behavior change goals, and they aren’t tag points. Triggered and mad are gonna happen. I think my tag point is “relax”. Notice myself feeling angry, choose relaxation. (And then click / reward / treat. Mustn’t forget to celebrate!)
Why am I working on this? I think it will be useful for me in so many situations:
- When I’m faced with differing opinions and (feel like I) have to convince someone. Those interactions can quickly feel like a fight to me, rather than a conversation.
- When I feel frustrated. Triggers: Unmet expectations, mis-understandings, disappointment, lack of clarity.
- When I feel impatient. Which is often! (aaack!)
- When I feel hopeless. “This will never work / change / go anywhere / matter anyway.”
My hope is to shift the anger and channel the energy for good, not for grouchiness. I see how my fight-or-flight problem has sent me running away from so many things. Or worse, not trying at all. That’s not who I want to be.
I’m working on:
- Creating my vision for the work I want to do. It will be related to helping people feel seen, valued, liked, supported, and well-served.
- Shifting my hair-trigger anger pattern.
Why I’m sharing:
“Our vision is actionable only if we share it.” This is a step for me to take action. I’m reminded of AC4P – Actively Caring for People – and what their mission stands for: Caring about people, and showing it via action. Caring is not enough; you actually have to do something. Working out loud helps me along the path to doing something.
How you can help, if you’re so moved:
- Ask me questions
- Offer suggestions or ideas
- Tell me about stories that may have come up for you as you read this post
… or leave me a comment with other help that I should have asked for, but didn’t think of. 🙂
Mentor credits (mentoring via me stalking them):